TLDR:
– Staying open in friendships – not closed and controlling
– Learning to be interdependent in relationships
– Being strategically authentic – where is the other person mentally?
So I just listened to the recent Jay Shetty podcast episode, featuring Michelle Obama. Man, everytime I listen to that woman, I feel lit up from inside – it’s like she’s a beacon of hope. Mad respect for her! Here are some things she mentioned below that I could really relate to in my own life:
Staying open in friendships: Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of friends. Not in play, middle or even high school. I was always that quirky kid who couldn’t get people to stick to me. At least that’s what I thought the aim of the game was. I thought I wasn’t interesting enough, so I would put on this facade to be this person who was constantly talking, way too bubbly and constantly buzzing. I thought if I stopped talking or dropped the conversation ball, the person would leave – as they had many times before. And since I started uni, I gained such a new perspective on this. I developed real, and I mean real friendships, with people you can truly count on. And still, at the back of my head, sometimes I still feel that need to hang tightly onto them, keep them engaged, or they’re going to leave. I feel that hint of jealousy sometimes too when I feel a close friend getting closer with another person – as I do all the time. But the point, I’ve realized, is to stay free. Stay open. While I’m spending my time being repenting on that person, I could be out and about, having newer life experiences, meeting newer people or missing out on an inspiring conversation. So stay open, as michelle says.
Interdependency in relationships: Now I don’t have a whole lotta experience when it comes to relationships, but I do know how I feel in many of them. I feel as though I’m supposed to make them a priority, talk to them all the time, I feel like if a day goes by without me talking to them, that means we’re not in sync. I feel like I’m supposed to get everything I need from that person. But like michelle said, and I wholeheartedly agree, you, and only you are responsible for your own happiness. And just like different friends hold the key to different parts of you, your partner can only be one of them. It’s the concept of “emotional permanence”. This is the idea that even if you don’t speak, it doesn’t mean you don’t love eachother or prioritize eachother. You’re always there for one another – but you have your own goals too. You need to put yourself first.
Being strategically authentic: When you’re trying to talk to someone about something, remember that while being authentic is important, you have to be strategic about it. Michelle talks about how when you’re young, in an argument you just want to be heard by the other person – but as you grow up, you want to reach to a solution. You want to get somewhere. But to do that, you have to realize that you need to understand where that person is coming from – and where they are currently mentally at. This helps you get a better gauge on how you can rephrase your message. This is topnotch communication advice. My question would be how do you know where that person is currently at?
Overall, Ms Obama did yet another amazing job. I commend her for doing it all but continuing to keep it real!