Friends hold up a mirror so you see yourself with clarity – and change parts you don’t like with brevity
The best things in life don’t cost a dime. Friends – case in point. It’s been a week since I’ve been back home in Vancouver after holidaying in Australia with my family. This happens to me everytime I get to hangout with my family; I get too comfortable, I retreat, I become so attuned with myself, and I fully immerse myself in that world. And I love every second of it.
The problem is what ensues afterwards; the dreaded return. Near the end of the trip, thoughts like “urgh we only have a couple days left??” or “I wish we had just 4 days more..”. And I start think about all the things in Van that give me the anxiety – be it work, the constant need to be social, the comparison and keeping up with everything. So I do what I do best – hide from it all. I suppress it and hide out as long as I can from it all. Since I’ve been back (11 days now), I’ve been hanging out with myself mostly (and a bit with my roomie), and loving it. I’ve created a world for myself, a little cocoon where I can do exactly as I please and learn so much about myself – which I don’t get to do when I’m absorbed in the external world. It was fun getting to know myself, and I always miss this time with me. Anyways, so I’d been hiding out. From the world. From my friends. Who are my world here. Ironic, eh?
This past week, I cancelled on 4 different occasions, simply because I didn’t feel like leaving my zone. Now that I think about it, I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone. I was so good here, no one to tell me what to do, and I get to move at my own pace. Tonight, I was debating whether to do it again. But given the low point I was at yesterday, I thought, I kind of owe it to myself to get out there again. How long was I going to keep hiding? Keep this charade up? It was time to face the music. And so, I marched on.
And I do this thing that I don’t really understand. When I meet a close friend that I haven’t talked to in a while (who I’m in close to daily comms with normally), I act super distant and cold. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how to change it. I’ve read that its’ part of Ainsworth’s strange situation, and that it was part of the anxious attachment type. Maybe it’s that? But I would genuinely like to leave this behind and know that my friends are my friends at the end of the day. So at the dinner, it started off quite weird, then one of my closest friends left and I was like should I go or stay? I thought I’d just stay until one of them did my braids, but I stayed for another 3 hours. I had a gala time. I loved getting absorbed into their stories. I loved creating our own world. And then I came back to my world and picked up right where I left off.
What I need to realize:
- Life is short: Time is limited. It’s important to cherish every moment you have with your real friends, who give a shit about you.
- Friends are life’s gift: Now that I’ve found a number of people I know I can count on, I need to make sure I don’t take it for granted. Its a gift, one that I know not everyone has, and I’m grateful – and I need to make the most of it.
- It’s not one or the other: I can enter my friends’ worlds and still have my own. It’s not like by spending time with them, I’m abandoning myself. I still have me. I still value me. I value them. We can coexist.
- Do anything for your friends: You know these people would go to the moon, so all you gotta do is repay the favor. Be there for them too. Have their backs as much as they do yours.
- Be open: As michelle described, the key to friendships is to be open. Be open to it all, new possibilities, new people, old people, solidifying relationships and more. Stay open and humble.
And friendships offer a safe place for you to explore new perspectives and learn more about what their passionate about. Most often, friends hold up a mirror for you to see yourself with clarity – and change parts you don’t like with brevity.