Snap out of it, respectfully. Make the most of where you are. It’s all temporary.
The snap – her, Jan 2024
I’m sure you’ve compared yourself with someone today. Maybe because they’re on vacation. Maybe because they’re super busy in a project while you’re sitting idle. Maybe because you want something they have. Or maybe – and indulge me for a second – maybe you think you want what you think they have. Hmm?
You essentially have convinced yourself that you clearly want what you see them having – without giving it a second thought, just because that thing is now desirable. It might be a goal you have, a dream place you want to visit – anything. But a human defect in this process, is we fail to consider: a) what they had to go through to get that, b) whether we truly want that thing and c) what they may be going through in their seemingly perfect life (that you’ve convinced yourself of). It’s very natural to do this. I’m currently doing it if that makes you feel any less worse.
Again, this is a mindset switch thing. But first, why do we compare? And if I hear another “comparison is the thief of joy” bit, I might just lose my marbles. So according to “fastcompany”, we compare to fit into a group. See how we’re doing against the pack – so we can alter our performance based on what we observe. What most of us do is called upward social comparison, since we’re looking at those who are in “better” situations than us. I emphasize the quotation marks since better is so subjective. No one knows what better is – and whatever you idolize, is probably socially constructed. The result of this comparison? Constant dissatisfaction, diminished self-worth, and an ironically slower progress due to lack of focus on yourself. Furthermore, you’re most likely thinking about something you can’t control – leading to further frustration – URGH!
Think about it – while you’re spending all that time analyzing others, you could be on your path to your calling. To find your “thing”. Maybe that person is in that place because they worked immensely hard and found their gift. You’ll never find yours if you aren’t open and looking for it in your own space.
I was talking to my counsellor today, and though I seem to be doing fine on projects (except that one), and the feedback is good, my self-assessment was terrible. I rated myself so low on everything – and this has been shooting my confidence in the foot. He said “the more you’re comparing yourself and not giving yourself the credit you deserve, the less productive you’re being”. That hit home. And this book I’ve been reading had a quote “What are you going to do about it?”. These two things really called me out on 2 things:
- Looking elsewhere means you’re compromising on your own growth and progress.
- Comparing yourself is you focusing on things you can’t control – meaning you’re wasting time when you could be turning it into action.
Now what can you do about it? Well there are some things that help me when I tend to enter this rabbit hole (more often than I’d like to admit):
- Recognize what you can best utilize your current position: Maybe you don’t have project work to do. Maybe this means you have more time to work on developing skills you’ve been wanting to for a while. Maybe this means you can explore your other passions to identify areas of work you might actually wanna get into. Your time is in your hands – as long as you decide to focus on that. This is also called being resourceful. Hop off that victim mindset train – stop feeling bad for yourself. Snap out of it, respectfully. Make the most of where you are. It’s all temporary.
- Adopt an action bias – A lot of the times, comparison just means you’re constantly thinking about things that haven’t happened. But if you take action and do something about it, you’d feel less deflated. You wouldn’t have time to. You’re busy working on yourself. On better-ing yourself. And let’s be honest, learning is a lifelong trek – so keep going.
- Realize comparison is not the path to growth: Sure, a little healthy competition may fuel you for a bit, but it’s not what’s going to keep you going when the sh*t hits the fan. You’re never going to feel enough when your eyes are parched for what’s out there. What is going to keep you going? Your WHY. And how do you figure that out? But looking inwards. Focusing on your own path. “DOING instead of TRYING”. Putting your all in – because there is no other option.
- Define your own “enough” or “success”: Maybe the reason you’re looking elsewhere, is because you’re not sure. You’re feeling insecure about yourself, like you’re falling behind or not good enough – what’s enough? Well you put that in the hands of society. Do you want to live the rest of your life chasing something you never truly enjoyed to begin with? Isn’t life too short for that? What if you could be doing something more attuned with you this whole time? The only way out my friends, from this vicious cycle – is to define your own success. What does success mean to you? If you make this the most important thing to you – you won’t look for validation anywhere else – and that, is true freedom.
Keep doing you my dost, you’re doing amazing. You’re on your way. Don’t rush it.
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