So. Over the holidays, I went to Sydney with my family. And to say the least, I came back enlightened. Before the trip, I’d been feeling a little – what’s the word – uninspired. Bland. Dull. And very disconnected from myself. On this trip I not only had some of the most amazing experiences of my life, but I also came to the realization that being happy is simple – but being simple is hard. I don’t need to chase what other people are doing – I want to be passionately curious about what I’m interested in. I also recognized a number of flaws I want to work on this year:
- Black & White Thinking: Most probably stemming from my childhood, I have a ton of black & white thinking – where I think that if something isn’t good or going my way, it’s got to be bad. It’s got to be the end or it must mean that I’ve failed. But what if the bad was a means to the good? What if I had to just enjoy the process and marvel in its intricacies to get to where I actually needed to go? What if grey matter wasn’t such a bad thing?
- Fixed Mindset: This also connects to the previous point, but I’ve been noticing that I do sometimes have a fixed mindset. When I see someone amazing at something, I revel in the fact that I’m hopeless at it – that I could never be as good as them. But what if I wasn’t supposed to be as good as them, but simply better than what I was? What if the aim wasn’t even to be good at it, but to learn how to get there? To again, marvel in it’s process? Life wouldn’t be fun if were amazing at everything. If someone is good at something, that’s great for them – they’ve found their niche; now you just need to keep your eyes open to find your own.
- Low Self-Esteem: For the past few months, I’ve been recognizing my ability to root for others, but not for myself. It’s baffling to me how much I stand in my own way. I know this is the case for so many people, but I’m here to tell you it’s doing you no good. The only way out is learning that if you don’t root for yourself, no one else will. It all starts with you. All of it.
I also went skydiving this year, which was an experience of its own. It was beautiful to see the whole world at my finger tips, feel so free as if the sky was the limit and that I could truly do anything I wanted to, if I put my mind to it. I also realized this is the kind of freedom I want in my life – and the only way is to work for myself. And each miniscule of a step is a step in the right direction – and I have to believe because it’s worth it. I’m worth it.
It all starts with you. All of it.
