Today was another interesting day. Another day of realizations – but I did have a couple meetings today, so that was fun. I’m still unstaffed, but I’ve been told to wait patiently and enjoy the silence. I was also asked to be a panelist on a Support for Future online event from my university, and I had a sudden realization along the way. I think I have a propensity to please other people to feel any sort of validation. I’m just teasing but you know where this is going. I’m a people pleaser. Always have been. Maybe it stems from my lack of self-esteem, that stems from a variety of childhood instances, or maybe the high school scaries. But I’ve realized I had a tendency to act a way that would make most people like me, than represent who I really am. Maybe I’m stuck in this loop of wanting to be liked so much so that I forget to be here with myself, and focus on me. Prove my capabilities, invest in my skills. I’m so focused on my perception of other people’s perception of me – but rationally thinking, how does that matter?
To advance in life, I have to give a damn about what other people think – because I can’t control that. But what I can control, is how hard I work and improve on my skills. At the end of the day, that’s the ultimate goal. And this self talk “I don’t know anything, I don’t know what I’m saying, who am I to pitch in” – that’s all BS. You know your sh*t. You put in the work, you can figure it out. You’ll put in the work and it’ll show. You know it. Just play the part.
Apologies for the short note today – I had a long day, and more social interaction than expected – all which I’m immensely grateful for. Hopefully, more projects are coming our way 😉 But in the meantime, we chill, we enjoy, we are present.
