“If only – we could find it within us to turn that fear into a “signal” instead of a “stop sign”, we could make the most of our short time here on earth”
“Are you ready?”
“We go at 3.”
He said as I stared into the clear sky abyss that our airplane door opened up to.
16 days ago, I went skydiving for the second time. In Dubai no less – one of the world’s greatest cities to dive in. An absolute privilege and a bucketlist item on my list – I I signed the 3 of us up (me, my brother and mother) for a slot at 9:30am on the second day of the new year, and that too without a second thought.
Although this wasn’t my first time, I was just as terrified the night before – if not more petrified.
2nd January crept up to us, and suddenly we were at the centre, getting checked in. They gave us a buzzer that would tell us when our turn was finally up; the uncertainty of which, only added to the anxiety filled anticipation. I recall having to go the loo for a number 2, at least 4 times before my dive which only goes to show the level of fear that pulsed through my veins (and digestive tract apparently). What was I so terrified of? I thought to myself. It’s that split second in the air when you’re at the verge of safety and potentially death. In the days leading up to it, I couldn’t even think of that moment – all I could do was try to push it under the rug, considering it an issue for future-Sara to deal with.
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. I jumped on my chair as I could almost taste the shot of anxiety seep through. Against the backdrop of my brother’s snickering and my mother’s excitement, the folks around us cheered us on as we made our way down.
“How are you feeling today?” Francesco, my skydiving instructor inquired. “SCARED” I responded with a hestitant smile working extra hard to conceal the fear. “Me too!” he teased as I stepped into my gear. Francesco began to tell me his daring life story, where he went against all odds to become a pro canopy athlete representing Italy, then pivoting to skydive fulltime 10+ years ago. “What do you love about this sport?” I asked, selfishly hoping to logic my way out of the fear.
“Adrenaline – the thrill and sheer bliss of flying through the air is unmatched.”
We walked our way up into the plane, my mother and brother trailing behind with their instructors. And slowly but surely, we began our ascent into the sky. Mirroring the familiarity of an airplane takeoff, my beating heart felt a calm. Meanwhile, Francesco began to ask me about my favourite parts of Italy (gelato and hot chocolate of course) as a ploy to distract me from the racing thoughts associated with the door opening into nothingness.
“Bye Didi!!!” screamed my brother as he jumped out. “You got this Sara! Be Brave!” said my fearless 50-year old mother as she made her way out.
And then there was 1.
“How do you feel?” Francesco asked as if to confirm my last words. “A little scared but excited!” I managed to say as the reality started to hit home. This was the moment I feared the last 48 hours, and here we were.
“Ready, 1, 2 – “
I braced my straps as tight as possible and resisted the urge to shut my eyes.
And just like that – we were flying. Nay – gliding through the clear sky. I felt a belt of air slap my face as I gave into gravity’s pull, pushing the skin off my face as we soared towards the ground – a unique feeling for sure. I could see the iconic Palm Jumeira in all its glory, a never ending cluster of skyscrapers and the beautiful man-made water that engulfed the land. Francesco pulled the parachute down, only for time to stop in that very moment.
From then on, it was pure bliss. We floated down for another 3-5 minutes, imbibing the perils of a birds eye tour of the beautiful city of Dubai. I didn’t even want to land! I didn’t even want it to be over.
—–
Truly – that one of the most freeing feelings I’ve ever experienced. To think I was about to pass it all up because of the fear that filled me to the brim is a harrowing feeling. To think i could’ve missed on all that beauty because what? I was afraid? Of dying, of failing, of being seen, of what others may think (the list unfortunately goes on.)
It only made me think of how many beautiful things I’ve given up in this short life I’ve had so far – and it all came down to fear. And ironically, what I actually feared was predominantly out of my control. The outcome of any action in life is not always in our control – what is, is the decision to pursue it. To navigate the complexities and put our best foot forward.
This whole experience was a long winded way of saying most, if not all beautiful things are placed on the other side of fear. And if only, we could find it within us to turn that fear into a “signal” instead of a “stop sign”, we’d make the most of our short time here on earth.
Because isn’t that the point of it all? To experience the most beautiful things this world? To put ourselves out there and try everything while we can.
If there’s something you’re pausing on because of that fear – know that there’s something beautiful on the other side of it. Use your judgement, but remember you’re in for a ride.
– Her.