“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own”
Marcus Aurelius
Trailing on from yesterday, today was a great day of food for thought. I did have quite a bit of headache for a good chunk of the day, but felt better after 5pm ish (hopefully this doesn’t continue to be a regular thing). Regardless, today I talked to the manager of the project I struggled with for feedback, and it was a great opportunity to talk straight. I’ve been going here and there trying to figure out where exactly I went wrong, but I’d been talking to the wrong people. Since Jake (pseudonym) worked directly with me, he provided very concrete feedback:
- Slowing down in a fast paced project – it was definitely a challenging first project, and it was a struggle, but alot of it was me being overwhelmed and stressed. Jake suggested I slow down, think everything through and take it one step at a time – even if a project as fast paced as that. Because in such an environment, the margin for error is 0! So being extra careful is key – and so is double, no triple checking everything. He also recognized that when I struggled in one area, I brought it with me in every area. Instead of regrouping, it was like I was spreading myself as thin as possible just to get one thing right. I can relate to this because I’ve seen myself do it quite a bit. Everytime I struggle with something, I have a tendency to look elsewhere to just get something right. I was looking for a sign that I could do this. Take it – step by step.
- Communicating with your manager – This was a big one. I didn’t do a standup with the manager to understand his expectations and where my weaknesses are. He could’ve provided advice and helped with templates and how to lay a slide out. But communicating this advance is crucial, as opposed to having to figure it out along the way – so it doesn’t come as a surprise.
- Understanding the end goal – As a shadowee on the project, my job was to make the person I’m directly working with’s job easier. So knowing that I didn’t have much knowledge, identifying where else I could add value was crucial. I think it got in my head when I was just formatting – but this was part of the learning experience. It’s part of the ride – and eventually you WILL get there. But know how you can make their life easier with your skillset right now.
- They’re not mad at me lol. This one was a big one for me because I genuinely thought they were done with me. That was was over – hopefully not, touchwood (she’s still not staffed LOL). But having this chat helped me gain some closure (somewhat), because he knew I truly wanted to learn and grow from this. So, folks, you live and you learn.
The saying of the day has been “Wanting what you have”. This has been helping with the comparison I constantly do – in those circumstances, you’re convincing yourself that you want what they have – not what you do. In essence, you’re living your life, wanting theirs. :O
In connection to this, I also read a quote from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own”. OOOOF! SO TRUE! I LOVE FOOD FOR THOUGHT!!
Last update – I finished this book called “Little Fires Everywhere” by Celeste Ng. Wow! What a book. The writing style, the setting, the description, the characters – oh my, the characters! How could you not get attached? The way Ng wraps up the story and starts exactly where she starts, is impeccable. The mystery of the new neighbors, the writing was instantly hooking. The book also explored themes about motherhood – whether motherly love is biological or not. And a big one about “How often do we justify it to ourselves when we allow ourselves to cross moral lines”. It’s easy to talk about it in theory, but in reality, just how much do we live by our principles? How much do we walk the walk?
“I hope I have the opportunity to sit and contemplate all food for thought this world has to offer for a chunk of everyday that I’m alive“
Her, 22/01/2024