“The only way to survive in the game is to believe in yourself”
Her, Feb 2024
Hi Fam.
Today and yesterday were such interesting days. Yesterday, I woke up, went to a workout class, had a short meeting with my counselor – which left me so insanely infuriated, it was insane. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so small in my life. But it was insane how much that affected me – and I just ended up feeling pissed. Fully just pissed. Then I continued to work, went to run some errands, had lunch and tried to take a nap. I’ve also been staffed on a calgary based project – so that’ll be fun!! I’m excited, nervous, the entire bag, but mostly excited to see the inner workings. This time though, I actually believe I can do something. I know I can figure it out – like I always do. Going into my last project, that I did so much reflecting on, I realized my pivotal mistake – not believing in myself, and thinking “I don’t know this, I don’t know that…”. And while it’s important to know that you probably don’t know everything, your job is to make mistakes and figure it out. You will get there. And the best part is there is no right answer. And the only way there is to be resourceful and get moving.
I met a senior/close friend today, and she gave me such important advice for going into this project that I believe would be invaluable to anyone:
- When you don’t know something, ask! But try to figure it out yourself first, to show that you at least tried.
- When you want feedback, know that with your first couple drafts, you’re just trying to find the right way to go. So do some work, some digging and then ask for feedback – and be ready for them to butcher your current work.
- When you first start, it’s normal to feel like everyone there is extremely smart and knows what they’re doing – but the more you work on projects, the more you realize that everyone’s just trying to figure it out. No one knows anything. And it’s so vital to prioritize mindset over knowledge. Knowledge is overrated!
- People are going to be mean to you – they’re going to not believe in you, and the harsh truth is that that’s just the way it works. But that doesn’t mean you don’t believe in yourself. That doesn’t mean you stop yourself from doing what you can. What you’re capable of. In fact, the only way to survive in the game is to believe in yourself. Like Marcus said, you can’t leave your happiness in someone else’s hands your whole life.
- Know that people are there to support you – even if there are men with a toxic masculinity mindset who are mean to you and don’t see your worth, know that the flip side of that is there are people who do see your worth. Who are gunning for you to get there. Who are gunning for your growth – and to see you as a human being crushing it.
- You gain credibility by doing good work – each project is an ability to do good work. And the mindset to hold is one of gratitude. Know that you’re given a chance, and the only way to learn anything is to focus, make your career your world and do good work. At least for the first few years of your life.
- Imposter syndrome will hold you back from reaching your potential – for as long as I can remember, I’ve had imposter syndrome. This nagging voice telling me that I can’t do this, that I don’t belong here, that I can’t possibly be enough, that someone else could do this way better than I can. But the only way to find out if you are or if you can, is to try. To keep going, despite it all. And if anything, your imposter syndrome is going to hold you back. So to move forward, you’ll need to break up with her. It’s interesting though, I can vividly remember certain parts of my life, where I shut Imposter syndrome out. Where I just focused on what I can do and not let her stop me. It was as if I was sick of her voice, and her limiting beliefs. Well, I’m there now. I’m sick of her. I’m ready to explore my potential.
- Know your why and always focus on the positives – continuing to look at others, and thinking “wow I don’t know how you did that”, will only get you so far. Instead of putting everyone on a pedestal, you need to just focus on your lane. Keep swimming where you can – and when things get hard, return to your why. My why currently where I am is to learn, explore and absorb as much as I can. This is a new industry for me, and regardless, I’m here to learn. And how does one learn? By experimenting, by making mistakes, but getting up each time to try harder.
- Positive self talk – this isn’t something my friend told me, but something I heard from Jay Shetty’s podcast. You can’t hate yourself into being better. You can only love yourself into doing better. Trying harder. Persisting. So be kind to yourself – that’s the only way you can move in a direction that’s right for you.
- Try your best, know there’s nothing else you can do – At the end of the day, you can only try so much. As long as you’ve pushed your boundaries, as long as you’ve gone as hard as you can, you’ve done your part. There’s no other option than to give it your all. After that, it’s up to god.
And I also just finished another book, it’s called the breakaway by Jennifer Weiner (?). Anyways, this was such a beautiful read! I read it in 6 days (could’ve been less), but it was so insanely engaging. I loved how poignant the message is:
- Our choices define the differences between us all: The ability to make a choice, make a decision, decide on where we want to go, that’s what drives us forward. The topic also explores the concept of abortions and a woman’s right to her body. Which, having watched the recent election discussions, has been a relevant topic in America and elsewhere. I’m a huge supporter, but it was amazing to see it embedded within this story of self-discovery
- You are your answer: At one point, the protagonist, Abby, loses everything that matters to her, and her jerk reaction was to go to another boy. But then she sits herself up, and realizes that he’s not the answer to her life’s blanks. No one can be, only herself. And it’s a beautiful thing to come to terms with. Of course, she did think of him for a couple months at first, but she was also figuring herself out.
- Finding a fulfilling career: This is something that me and my friends talk about as people in our 20s. We are all on journeys, figuring ourselves out and wrestling with our ambitions, the harsh reality, and finding our purpose. But it takes time is what I’ve learnt. You can’t get there tomorrow, or the day after (unless you’re EXTREMELY lucky), but know that you will get there, if you believe in yourself. Developing your passions in the meantime, knowing what your escape can give you ideas on what you could do.
- Being grateful for those in your life: The story revolves around families, friends and the amazing people we have in our lives. It’s important to cherish them, and to be grateful by spending as much with them as possible.
- Don’t rush anything: In life, we sometimes fall victim to society’s laid out conventional milestones and sometimes we believe we have to get everything done by a certain age. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth; you know you’ll get there. You’ll find your way there, and it’s vital to be honest with yourself. Know that if something isn’t speaking with you – if it isn’t what you’re looking for, don’t settle. Go out there, explore and make the most of being with yourself before anything else.
- By opening up, you will risk getting hurt, which is okay – that’s part of the human experience. By having your guard up at all times, think of how many experiences, people and opportunities you must have closed yourself up to. It’s crazy. And it’s also scary, the possibility of getting hurt. But love fiercely. It’s part of being human. It’s part of experiencing everything. It’s what makes the highs so great. So be open, stay open, and be okay letting people in – knowing that either one of you could get hurt, which is normal. But some of your best experiences come out of being open & curious.
So many lessons, but I’m grateful to be in the front row and in the driving seat of my life.